Lazy in Love

I’m finishing up a four-part fitness series, and in my latest entry, I wrote about being lazy when it comes to working out. Honestly, I’m lazy in every aspect of my life. I procrastinate when it comes to exercising. I avoid homework and my freelance pieces (even when I’m getting paid to write). I idly take the people in my life for granted, especially my boyfriend.

Growing up, I always thought adult life was supposed to easy. You went to your job and earned some money, hung out with your family on the weekends. I realized later, of course, life is hard. Sure, you can coast by but some people want to experience life to fullest and try their best to do so. They work hard, making their fantasies come true, finding the person of their dreams. When I was little, all I wanted was a fun job and a bunch of stamps in my passport. I didn’t imagine myself ever getting married- I wanted to travel (still do). Maybe it was my parents’ divorce that slowly solidified this belief. Believe me, I had severe crushes (hi, TR!) but I never pictured myself being married. Being single always seemed to be the easy way out.

When I lived in New York, I dated a lot. For me, dating was easier than maintaining a relationship- especially in a city where people had no time to commit to a stable relationship. But I’m human and I soon wanted connection. The easy version of connection. Well, there is no easy button to push when it comes to love.

Looking back at my past relationships, I often took the easy way out. Breaking up was always easier than staying together. My lazy ass wanted to hang out on the couch all day and not put any of the work in. I found it was easier being single. But I was single and lonely… I’m learning now how to love. It’s not sunshine and rainbows all the time. Love is about the tears you cry and disappointments.

But love is is not all about that (but if the love you feel is all about the negative stuff, maybe you need to end your relationship). I’m finding that love is not just a feeling, but a decision. It is a choice that you helps you keep going. During tough moments with my boyfriend, I make the choice to stay in love and work hard at making us better. There are definitely some times when I want to be lazy (examples: holding in feelings and not working them out; not putting any effort into compliments, kind gestures or tokens of affections) but I chose not to.

When it comes to love, like many other things in life, you always know in your heart what the right thing to do is. It’s all a matter of having the courage to do it. Dormancy, laziness, negligence- they are all the sisters of fear. We must be brave in love, and step into the dark void with a bright hope. It’s time to get off the couch and leap into your lover’s arm… Then, you can both snuggle.

Oh, Big and Carrie...

Oh, Big and Carrie…

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Back in the Dating Pool

As one is in the process of moving on from a past relationship, I am a firm believer in the power of dating. Sometimes, it’s what we need the most. We need to do something different, meet someone new, get out of our comfort zone for a brief moment. As I mentioned in my previous 20Something post, I like dating. But what that said, I love being in a relationship. One has to date to find his/her one true love (or your parents can set you up in an arranged marriage. Either or would work). So now, I figure that it’s time to throw on the teeny weeny bikini and hop back into the dating pool.

Okay, dear reader, I know what you’re thinking- you just got out of something. Why get back into the water so soon? Truthfully, I don’t know. There are many reasons behind it- I’m trying to get my mind off my ex. I want to make more friends.  But mostly importantly, I’m a great girl. I deserve to have someone fabulous in my life. So, I reactivated my OKCupid profile and let the messages come rolling in, hoping for someone incredibly special to catch my eye. Instead, I got this: “Hey. how are u?” Major turn-off, especially for someone who wrote on her profile that she writes for a living and is obsessed with vocabulary and proper grammar. I received a couple of messages from people specifically looking for a one night stand and a particular gross comment about the shape of my body. I read some messages from nice guys that eventually turned sour: “You seem like the smart-type,” one wrote. Seriously? Is there such thing as the “stupid-type?”

I spent a good chunk of last night thinking about love and being in a relationship- if I wanted to be in one at the moment. What kind of relationship I want to be in? Why do we put so much value in them? Am I really that desperate to get married and adopt an entire Ethiopian orphanage? Do I just feel alone? Am I lonely? I actually have been seeing this great guy for the past few weeks. He’s a sweetheart who has agreed to take things slow (which I much appreciate). Oh, he’s also polyamorous (polyamory is when a couple agreeing to date other people while they are still with each other). I’ve always been intrigued by the concept- I’ve dated a bunch of people at the same time before but never had two (or more) boyfriends at once. Would I even like it? What about jealousy? Do I really need to be with two people right now let alone one? When will I fall in love again?

As I try to figure all this out, I do know one thing. At 1 a.m. this morning, I deleted my OKCupid profile- and this time, I deleted it permanently. My mom used to sing that old Johnny Lee song to me growing up, “Looking for love in all the wrong place.” Those are lyrics that hold a lot of truth. I decided it’s best to let something happen organically, instead of trying to force romance with a date I met online just an hour ago. For now, potential suitors, if you was to ask me out, you can find me among the media law stacks at the UNR Knowledge Center. You can pique my interest by talking to me about bicycles and cheese.

And you, the future love of my life… Wherever you are, I know that someday I will find you. Until then…

Yes said it, Carrie.

You said it, Carrie.