Monday night, I dragged my space heater from the office to home, silently cursing in my head. For the last seven months, I hated going home. My roommate and I didn’t get along and I holed myself up in my bedroom, trying to avoid her at all cost. My home didn’t feel like my home and I hopped on Craigslist every day, looking for an escape in the form of a cheap apartment. I stopped on my porch for a moment and took a deep breath before entering in. I pulled my roommate aside and asked her if we could talk. We sat on our living room couch and talked about why we hated living with each other and what could we do to fix it. Like real adults, we came up with solutions and promised to stick by them. We didn’t exactly apologize to each other for being a bitch and acting like a child towards one another but I knew that we forgave each other. We finally saw eye-to-eye with each other- and that’s how we forgave.
Admit you’re wrong is one thing and asking for forgiveness is one thing but why is it difficult to do the one forgiving? I never understood the people who say forgiveness is easy. How do these people not hold a grudge? Aren’t they still hurt?
What about forgiving yourself- forgiving yourself for hurting loved ones; for making really stupid mistakes, both big and small? In this year where I want to especially kind to myself, forgiving myself is not easy. I’m pretty terrible at it. I like to hold grudges. I like to be angry. As much as I think I’m a person who doesn’t give a fuck, I care and am passionate about things, especially my emotions. When I made a mistake, I treat myself poorly and become really mean to myself. I start to think I don’t deserve the things that I’ve been blessed with. It’s not being humble- it’s the worst form of hatred. So, how does one fix that?
I think it’s all about remembering that you’re human. But one must also understand that others are human too and don’t hold certain people on a pedestal. We all make mistakes; it’s inevitable. So, when we do, it’s time to be the bigger person, accept their faults and move on.
Dear reader, how do you forgive? And how do you forgive yourself?