I Think We Should Break Up

“I know what it takes to move on.” -Linkin Park, Waiting for the End

Break ups are probably the worst thing in the world. Okay, I’m exaggerating. War. Hunger. Global warming. Those are more terrible things. But heartbreak is pretty up there.

Yes, dear readers, I am going through a break-up. Even though me and the ex ended things over a month ago, I’m starting to feel the hurt now. Maybe it’s because we agreed to be friends and have started speaking to each other again. Maybe it’s because the guy I’m currently seeing reminds me a lot of him. Maybe it’s because I haven’t stopped loving him deep down somewhere in the smallest crevice in my heart.  Whatever the case is, this past weekend I was a complete basket case, crying in the middle of a restaurant, on the public bus, in the bathroom while showering.

Usually, I’m a lot better with break-ups. With my first boyfriend, I was so sick of his antics- enough so that I moved (okay, that’s another exaggeration. I moved to New York City regardless of our ridiculous relationship).  Happy to end that relationship, I serial dated- which I was obsessed with doing. In New York, it was easy to date. The city consisted of hook-ups and first dates. Understandable. New Yorkers are so busy with their careers that relationships get put on the back burner. When I moved to Brooklyn, I adopted this culture and I fell in love with it. I had some guys that I causally saw long-term but for the most part, someone new took me out to brunch every Saturday. That changed when I met my next boyfriend. Things were great until I found out he wasn’t serious about us and was seeing other women behind my back. I don’t have a tolerance for cheaters so we broke up. That break-up did hurt but soon, I met my next boyfriend. But that eventually ended, too. No big deal. I moved to the West Coast, met other guys and some months later, fell head over heels with aforementioned ex.

As I think about my relationship history, I realized that I’ve always moved on pretty quickly. So, what’s my deal now? Why am I mourning this past relationship so much? The more important question is how the hell do I move on? I think the best things to do right now is just to keep going, keep living your life. MY life. Stay busy with work and your to-do list. Hang out with friends (more so now I’m not attached). Volunteer. Continue to plan for the incredible future (!). I think it’s healthy to feel that pain but you have to eventually bounce back- just do so quickly.

But what about being back in love? I miss that experiencing that feeling. I’ve been watching “Legally Blonde” on repeat these last for days. Maybe because my little sister is going to law school and I always imagine her running around Washington D.C. in a pink pants suit. In the movie, Elle’s boyfriend breaks up with her and she eventually meets her future husband while she bitches about her rude professor. I like that part in the movie. It tells you that love, a great love, can be right around the corner (or you just might need to move to Cambridge). No need to cry over your ex-boyfriend, the break-up in a fancy French restaurant, his new fiancée and her massive engagement ring. You have Luke Wilson waiting around the corner- and he’s much cuter than your ex.

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