I once had this friend that I met in one of my Spanish classes a couple of years back. We became close during the class and started to hang out afterward. We’d chill at her house, playing with her kitten, talking about ballet and the guys in our conversation class. She was great, especially when things in my life went downhill and I dropped out of school. When I moved back to Nevada last year, she was one of first people to reach out and welcome me home. We got together all the time- for baking dates and Sunday mornings at church. But then a couple of months later, she stopped talking to me. I had no idea why. Multiple times, I sent her messages and phone calls, asking her why she stopped talking to me. Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt her in someway? I never knew why. I still want to know why.
I have friends right now that diss my social life and my job, saying things like “fuck that” when I tell them that I have previously scheduled plans. It’s hurtful to hear and read those words. I understand when people have other obligations and can’t hang out- I respect that. I expect the same treatment from others toward me. But I continue to get this dealt this card; not only criticizing my how I spend my time but also things like my boyfriend and our relationship.
On what grounds do you drop a friend? How hurtful do they have to be for you not to talk to them? How do they screw you over- emotional, physically, financially? I understand that people drift apart, that sometimes life pulls them apart and they lose things in common with each other. But what is this person is someone who makes you feel like crap? How are you supposed to break-up with them?
Look, I’m not the one to talk. I know that I’m a terrible friend. I cancel plans all the time and lately, I rather spend time with the boyfriend on the couch than my friends having cocktails and dinner (sometimes, it’s easier to plop on the sofa rather than hop in the shower to get ready, spend some time making myself up to look cute, going to the ATM to cash out for drink, etc, etc.). I’ve let my work take over my schedule (I have my reasons for letting that happen, though) and I continue to fill my plate with things like my web start-up and the task of writing for a new local publication. Maybe its friendship karma that I’m experiencing. Or maybe I’m just hanging out with the wrong people- people who bring me down rather than inspire and encourage me. Isn’t that what a friend is supposed to do- boost you up?
Whatever the case may be, I’m trying to find the courage inside to figure out what is the right thing to do. I hope I make the correct choice. I keep on reminding myself that I am truly a good friend- the kind of person who loans money out to those who need it most, someone you can call at four in the morning after a bad night filled with fighting. I must remind myself that I deserve kindness and good people in my life. I hope you, dear reader, remind yourself of that, too, and I hope you receive nothing but love and respect from the ones you call your friends.