When I young, I was obsessed with Gumby. I watched his show on Nickelodeon religiously, admiring his and his friends’ adventures in their clay wonderland. I also had a bendable Gumby action figure who lost his life when my dog became a member of the family. In college, I watched old “Saturday Night Live” episodes with Eddie Murphy as Gumby- “I’m Gumby, damnit!” I’ve always wished that I could be flexible like that green creature; that I could shape myself into anything- an airplane, a puddle, a tire swing.
But let’s get real. I’m not Gumby.
I really wish I was, though.
I’ve been doing a lot lately. A LOT. Between my two jobs, I work 55 to 60 hours a week. That doesn’t include my freelancing gigs. Volunteering has always been important to be and I set time aside each week to do something for my community. Plus, I’m studying for school for the Spanish class I’m hoping to get into this fall. I don’t have a lot of free time- which is fine. I enjoy being busy. I’m enjoying my work and my life. But something is definitely missing. I’ve never been good at planning, scheduling and sticking to the different aspects in my life. I know that some things are more important that others- my career for one thing. I don’t want to write for the city paper for the rest of my life. I’d like my own office somewhere in the NYC Conde Nast building one day. I bust my “balls” to make that dream come true.
With my recent work responsibilities, I know I have put a lot of stuff on the back burner. Friendships are the first thing that come to mind. I know I haven’t been the greatest friend to my own nor the best girlfriend to my guy. I see my boyfriend about once a week now (sometimes, I get too busy/tired and we just text for a few minutes before I move on to the next thing). A good friend of mine sent me a text yesterday about me working too much and bailing out on every opportunity to hang out. I know that employment safety triumphs friendship/family/love on the Maslow’s Hierarchy but I’m wondering if my recent actions with the amount of hours I’ve been working are really at all worth it. Are they? Relationships verses works… What to chose? As Sheryl Sandberg once put it, I’m leaning into my ambitions. But does that mean to take one step back out of another portions of my life?
As much as I wish there were 60 hours in a day or that I could find a way to substitute a workout for sleep, I know that those things will never happen. I think about my parents who managed to work full-time jobs and take care of me and my sisters. I have no idea how they did it (and in regards to my dad and stepmom, I still don’t know how they do all they do ad find time to take my youngest sister to Disneyland). A 40 hour + shift, plus their children and their education and after school activities and dinner on the table at five on the dot- AND the relationship with their spouses. Whoa! However do you get a moment of time to breathe?
I don’t know how I’m doing it right now. I know that I’m doing a lot of things wrong but that’s life. I’m making mistakes but I’m learning from them. I know with more practice (or if I wake up as a Claymation character), my weighted scale of life will be perfectly balanced.
But now, I’m just going to relax in front of the television for a brief moment, looking for old “Gumby” episodes on Netflix.