As I pack up my things here in New York City and say goodbye to my favorite pizza place (Stella’s on 9th Avenue in Chelsea- the white pie is delish), I’ve been thinking about everything I’m leaving behind. I went to the South Seaport yesterday with my also departing roommate and we reflected on the things that we’re going to miss most. I don’t want to sad and think negatively for I know I will move back to Brooklyn one day (hopefully within a year, if everything works out). Instead, I want to think about the things I’ve learned during my time on the East Coast. I’m going to do a big 180 lifestyle switch when I get back to Reno, trying to focus on finishing school and paying back my student loans. I feel like I know myself a lot more now and I’m trying to take into account my newfound knowledge and apply it to bettering myself and my future…
1) I’m an introvert, a true INFJ- but there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m quiet and like spending a good chunk of my day all by myself- and there’s nothing wrong with that. Strangers scare me, as well as large groups (which leads to the fact that I have a hard time making friends. This I recognize)- it’s something I will have to work on but eventually, there will be nothing wrong with that.
2) I’ve learned to stop caring so much. New Yorkers walk around with pride, showing off their feather haircuts or zebra pants. They don’t care if their bike looks funny or if they are sporting a laundry bag instead of a Fendi. They dance at the subway platforms and scream at the top of their lungs while making a phone call. I’ve noticed these little details and realized that I’ve spent too much time obsessing about the way I look and desperately trying to fit in. Maybe it’s because I’m older now and I finally do like the shape of my body and how my face looks in boxy glasses. I don’t carry a cute purse and I wear the same tan boots everyday. I have a deeper vocal tone for a woman and I listen to my iPod incredibly loud at inappropriate times. Who cares?
3) Spending time in the sunshine, out on a patch of green grass, does wonders for my soul. It clears my head and gives me plenty of interesting looking tan lines. I have to remember to visit the campus quad when I’m feeling too stressed or anxious this fall.
4) I want to help. I don’t know how to apply this need to my life. Maybe make it a career but I discovered that helping is one of the few things that make me happy. Volunteering at the animal shelter. Making my sick boyfriend some soup. Assisting a mom with her stroller up the subway stairs. With this new venture and my attempt to make things right and become a ‘grown-up,’ my thoughts about the future include grad school- maybe teaching or social work. I had both inspiring teachers and social workers who helped me get through some difficult moments and I want to help those who are struggling like how they helped me. Sure, I can’t save the entire planet but I could maybe save one person’s world.
5) And with the job front- I’m not meant to sit behind a desk from 9am to 5pm, digging through Quickbooks or badly attached Adobe files. Nor telemarketing. Nor nannying.
6) Even at my loneliest bits here, sometimes I felt like the city would wrap her arms around me and tell me everything would be okay. I hate to leave the friends I’ve made here in the city and the family I have nearby and I do hope that we remain friends. But even so, I am thankful to have met the people I’ve had. I’ve learned something from everyone. I have to remember the love I have surrounding me, here and on the West Coast, and that I’m never truly alone.