“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Things in New York City are going well. It’s springtime and I’ve spent the last few days bike riding wearing only a tank top and shorts. For the first time in a long time, I actually like my job. Sure, I barely make my rent but my boss is kind and understanding and I get to mingle with the hipster folk in the neighborhood. My living situation may not be ideal but heck, I’m living in Brooklyn. Cross that item off my bucket list. There’s no boyfriend but I make new friends daily. And best of all- I’m writing again: blogging, web work and randomly, sports pieces. My heart is happy.
True, things could be better. Things could ALWAYS be better and with knowing that, I’ve been told about a possible opportunity that could point my life in a new and grander direction. For those who don’t know me that well, I harbour a big secret: I’m a college drop-out. I left school the semester I was supposed to graduate, with only needing to complete eleven credits in order to receive my diploma. Going back to school has always been stirring in the back of my head, weighing me down by burning a hole of regret and shame into my brain. Even with my big move to NYC, I knew that I should otherwise pound the text books and vocab flash cards. Instead, I shrugged the thought aside and created a new path for myself among the tall buildings in the great concrete jungle.
A few weeks ago, I was told that if I was to returned to my old university, I could get the rest of my education paid for completely (I’m still trying to figure out if this is true or not but in the meanwhile, I’m doing plenty of research. Free money is always a good thing, afterall.). My brain started to spin with ideas of possibilities: When should I move? Where would I live? Would I work? Man, I need to practice my Spanish! But something else occurred- I realized that I would leave New York. Sure, the city always will be here (I can come back- would I?) and it would take only a year to finish up what I started not so long ago. But a year? So much can happen in that short amount of time. I already think about the crazy, wonderful things that happened to me since my arrival last May. Things are not perfect but they’re good in New York. I wonder if I did leave, would my heart continue to feel this joyful?
No decisions have been made and I’ve neglected to tell people (I’d hate to get hopes up too high; mine included). I haven’t explore all my educational options with this newfound knowledge (maybe I could finish school somewhere here in this vast metropolis- who knows?). I’ve been handed these possible choices and with those choices, there’s no right or wrong one. So, how do I decide? My education verses my happiness- what is more important? A simple pros-and-cons list won’t suffice for this task. Neither will my constant mulling- I’m going to eventually cause myself to have a stroke.
The only thing I do know is that this opportunity will not last forever. Should that be the deciding factor? Should I try to picture what my life would be like if I chose one option over the other (with that, though, there are many different scenarios!)? Should I just chose something eeny-meeny-miny-moe style? What should I chose? What would you chose?