A Promise to Myself

We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.”  ~Japanese Proverb

I was given an opportunity this past Friday. Yes, it is disguised as something negative and stressful, something the old me would’ve freaked out about but I’m going to look at this situation at a new angle.

For the past several weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out where my life is going. I tend to think like this when things get a little too comfortable. I had a decent job, am living in the city of my dreams and have a small but amazing group of friends (even a boyfriend!). My life wasn’t too difficult and things are good. More than good; things are unbelievably great. So, why wasn’t I happy? I should have been screaming from the rooftops, dancing to “Glee” covers in the department store (okay, I did do that and embarrassed the hell out of myself). What was wrong with me?

After talking to my best friend about this, she asked me if I liked being miserable. Every time she phoned or sent me an IM chat, I’d bitch about how horrible I thought everything was. I was never satisfied or remotely joyful. That hit my soul hard and I’ve been thinking her words ever since. Do I really enjoy being miserable? Why do I need to have something wrong going on in my life in order to feel good? How did I end up this way? I never considered myself as to be a drama queen- I rather leave that for the girls at the Jersey shore. Part of me feels like that you should never be satisfied with your life- or you will never desire to change and grow. But it that true?

I know that I’m not truly living the life I’ve always wanted and dreamed about. I know that there is too many things that I want to accomplish (seriously, take a look at my bucket list. It stretches across three pages, written in a ten-point font). For the past few days, I’ve been lounging around my house, trying to figure out how to make these changes in order to create this ideal life. What I discovered is that I need to stop thinking and get off my ass to do something. These bad habits of mine are hard to break but I am determined to make this positive change. I’m the biggest pessimistic I know and I’m incredibly lazy and unmotivated but the first step to quitting is recognizing your faults and I have done that.

I know that I deserve to live a happy and rewarding life filled with love, fun adventures and crazy stories to tell my future grandchildren- I‘m meant to. I dream about it every night. I don’t want to be that old woman on her death bed, lying there with a heart filled with regrets. So, I’m making a promise to myself to use this opportunity to make the change. I’m facing my fears. I know that I’m secretly brave and can pretty much anything in this world (well, maybe not pee standing up but I’m working on it). It may be a little early to start my New Year’s resolution but the chance has presented itself. I have now been given the chance to improve and improve I will do. So, where does this lead me? A better job. A more positive attitude and outlook on my life and the random direction it’s going in. Maybe a new hobby- I’ve always wanted to do roller derby. The thing is that the possibilities are endless. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself. I only have this one life and I want to make the most of it. So, I’m going to take this opportunity and run with it. Now, where are my tennis shoes?

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