“Happiness hit her like a train…” -Florence Welch
My soul is crushed. Remove my celestial being from my human form and you will see that this once glimmering soul is now rotting away like the dozen of old eggs in my refrigerator. It’s like someone crumpled it up in their hands and threw it away an inch from a recycling bin. Okay, that someone is me. Debbie Downer. Uma Unlucky. Whatever nicknames you can come up with, yup- you described me.
Are you happy? I ask myself these three words on a daily basis. I wake up in the morning, stare at my freckles in the mirror and think about that answer. For the most part, I wouldn’t say that I am- and why not? I have a lot of things going for me and while, my life is not ‘Sex in the City’/ Carrie Bradshaw glamorous, I should be shouting with radiance from the roof tops. But lately, I keep wondering if there is something more to life than this. More than being successful and earning globs of money, having friends and lovers, eventually getting married and having children. I think about my ideals and the people that I aspire to be- Kristen Wigg from ‘Saturday Night Live’ comes to mind. A college dropout, she worked odd jobs while performing stand-up, finally scoring her breakout role in Judd Apatow’s “Knocked Up” at the ripe age of 33. I wonder if only a handful of people are magically destined to live these incredible lives while the rest of us try and try and eventually, just settle with what we have and accept it.
I understand that things take their time and you can’t everything you want all at once but how long must one wait? And where do we find the motivation to go on, especially when things have been so bleak and you’re losing hope? You wake up to go to this monotonous job, work yourself until you can longer keep your eyes open and go home and crash. Does anyone want that life? When we were little, what were the things we told our teacher that we wanted to be when we grew up? An ice skater? A astronaut? A marine biologist? Whatever happened to those dreams? Did we lose sight of them somewhere between college and high school? I know that once you have a family, those things change. But if you encourage your children to shoot for the stars, why can’t you do the same? What’s holding you back? Lack of motivation? Or pure laziness? But at the same time, would achieve this massive dream pile of success make you happy?
Research says that a muscle can be strengthen just be thinking about it. If that’s true, can your heart be? With the feeling as if its going to break at any moment, I can only hope that this hope I desperately seeking will come soon. Being depressed and blue all the time is no way to live your life. It’s these emotions that I wish I could control better- everyone deserves to lead a full life doing the things that make you get up in the morning with a smile. Leave the boring behind and take the risk that make you happy.